On St. Patrick's Day...

Me:  Happy St. Patrick's day, Grandmom!!!  Are you making anything special today.

Grandmom:  Happy St. Patrick's Day!  Yes, I'm making ham and cabbage.

Me:  I made some Soda Bread that was very tasty.

Grandmom:  Very good.  You know that you're part Irish, right?

Me:  Ummmm.... yeah.

Grandmom:  Ok, just checking to make sure you remembered.

At dinner

Grandmom:  (after tasting my glass of Glenlivet):  How do you drink this? This tastes like paint thinner.  You should drink Gin.

Football with Gram

Grandmom: Oooo, Who's that man?

Us: The refree.

Grandmom: He looks like a piece of toast. I'd like to butter him.

Us: Grandmom!